I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH
hey, back from the underground with another vent!
soo this weekend was basically the first time I ever kissed a man and it was simply the best kiss I have ever had - it felt really right for the first time, I liked the taste and I cannot imagine that the combination of my fucking rigid thinking and internalized homo-/transphobia made me repress this shit as well until I'm 23.
Geez I must have heard or read somewhere that men are into women and that I would become a man. That's it - game over! Clung to that logic like my life depended on it, because all I ever wanted was to be normal so I couldn't let this slip. I must be a man. I must be into women.
I was probably never attracted to women at all, just admired their sense of fashion and wanted to be friends with them because I could relate to them more.
All the signs were there, people pointed it out to me all the time, but I just didn't allow myself these thoughts. Whenever women actually made any move on me I just didn't do anyth