yes ofc, I would take it, she should take it, I wouldn't be sad in the slightest!
I'm through the coping / bargaining stage of telling myself this is a 'superpower'. I think most autists are very much more miserable than neurotypical people so they dissociate by engulfing themselves in their special interest(-s). In the end, they might discover something and receive external gratification / some semblance of success.
But it doesn't matter for them because they were dissociated and didn't even experience life in any meaningful way. Yet society likes them that way so they enforce the behaviour by telling us we're smart special flowers.
Dissociation I think is a key coping strategy for many of us. Not only because of what I wrote above, but because whenever I drag myself out of it, I become self-aware enough to experience how autism effects me every second of my life.
Living with that knowledge is hard, but better than dissociated.
thx <3 yeah I know, I'm just grieving. I know you people here are overwhelmingly nice. so I just write these things here to also work through them and share my experiences
I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH I HATE MY AUTISM SO MUCH
hey, back from the underground with another vent!
soo this weekend was basically the first time I ever kissed a man and it was simply the best kiss I have ever had - it felt really right for the first time, I liked the taste and I cannot imagine that the combination of my fucking rigid thinking and internalized homo-/transphobia made me repress this shit as well until I'm 23.
Geez I must have heard or read somewhere that men are into women and that I would become a man. That's it - game over! Clung to that logic like my life depended on it, because all I ever wanted was to be normal so I couldn't let this slip. I must be a man. I must be into women.
I was probably never attracted to women at all, just admired their sense of fashion and wanted to be friends with them because I could relate to them more.
All the signs were there, people pointed it out to me all the time, but I just didn't allow myself these thoughts. Whenever women actually made any move on me I just didn't do anyth
Haha yeah, I'm kinda surprised as well, but I guess that's also why I went with monotherapy (and a strong dose at that; I aim for about 400ng/dl E2 at trough). It does come with its downsides - mainly strong moodswings, as Dandelion mentioned in her comment - but overall I'm pretty set on my decision.
A Charles Bukowski quote that has always stuck with me is 'If you're gonna try, go all the way' :)
thx :3 but wdym 'speedrun'? ^^
Thanks for your detailed reply!
Just to clarify: I'm still overall like 20-30% happier than I was before - during the first one and a half weeks it was just like +75% (I should add that first part to the post I think - totally forgot but very important).
I also get the buzz right after the injection you mentioned... it's more of a light-headedness though and not what the permanent improvement feels like (that goes more in the calm and happy, serotonergic direction).
Thanks also for reminding me of the journal part, I should get started on that.
thx :3
and like there's a male and a female set of (internal) rules... since I switched to the female set of rules I feel much free-er
ah yes and a fat portion of autism which just clings onto fixed set of rules like those things you hang from the ceiling to get rid of flies
the answer is weird gender expectations and brainworms my friend... I cannot explain it, but its better now
all I want is a beer, a cute Nintendo and not to be stared at... currently I have two of these things (66% happy transgirl noises) :3
on a more serious note though: After one month on HRT, I'm so happy that my second puberty is finally MY puberty. I can buy all of the silly games I want without having to beg for them, I can finally eat tasty food (not the slime my parents used to produced) even at 1 AM if I feel like it, I don't have to endure judgemental comments 24/7. I still got a long ways to go, but just having true friends now for the first time in like a decade - so worth it.
unfortunately I have my fathers sneeze which means every time I sneeze it registers on the Richter scale halfway across the world... and if I supress the sneeze I feel like my eyeballs will pop out -_-
hoping you get through this very soon! much love going out girl <3
an accurate depiction of trans brainworms xx
Its very considerate of the blind manufacturer to shorten the last two blinds so the cat can do their job much easier!
my first instinct would be to slap the shit out of something I don't know
you already are one of the girls! now you just need a suit :D
Did Melatonin have any effects on your dysphoria?
So I'm basically doing an autism deep-dive into endocrinology at the moment and I came across this study, which suggests that
There have been good results in recent research to inhibit the generator of pulsatile secretion of GnRH necessary for ovulation by using melatonin in a new type of oral contraceptive.
As far as I understand from this article, GnRH basically stimulates biological hormone production (testosterone & LH in biological men; progesterone and estrogen in biological women).
If melatonin reduces GnRH production to such a level that it may even be used as a contraceptive, I cannot help but wonder, if any of you remember any supplementary (gender affirming) effects if you have taken melatonin
Awareness Advice
If you plan on going to Berghain, please consider:
- Berghain's Awareness page
- The drug users bible
- Wearing Hearing Protection (there are free earplugs available, if you ask at the wardrobe or bars)
Report any suspicious behaviour immediately to security.
If you found your way here from Reddit, upvote this post!
Welcome to Lemmy!
Meowdy gals, howzit goin'?
Just went through some work stress, gender dysphoria crisis (transitioning is soo scary with a right-wing family x.x) and autism struggles today... currently listening to this smooth jazz song and having a beer to calm down
On a positive note: I installed Fedora on my little Optiplex today and I'm currently backing up my photo memories from the past twelve years from iCloud to leave yet another tech conglomerate :)
How has your day been?
Rant: Alexithymia sucks major fucking ass
Not only did it take me 23 years to figure out that this constant, never-ending and subtle 'something is NOT right' feeling was actually gender dysphoria, I feel like I have to play a constant game of trial and error with my emotions even for the tiniest of things.
I'll squirm uncomfortably for hours on end, stuck in 'functional freeze', feeling like I just have to relax because I'm stressed from work, but what I'm actually feeling is HUNGER.
Then I eat something and try to remember what hunger feels like, but end up doing the exact same thing as soon as I wake up the next morning.
Don't even get me started on shopping groceries... If I don't buy the EXACT ten items I always buy, I'll be stuck for twenty minutes in front of the cheese isle and try to logically deduct which of these cheeses I might like, because I don't have any gut instincts whatsoever.
I'm not that bad at reading others others emotions, because I have learned the signs of body language, but I can't look at myself
Info: Falls ihr euren Namen (noch) nicht amtlich geändert habt oder ändern wollt, könnt ihr einen Ergänzungsausweis bei der dgti beantragen
Der dgti-Ergänzungsausweis ist ein standardisiertes Ausweispapier, das alle selbstgewählten personenbezogenen Daten dokumentiert und ein aktuelles Passfoto zeigt.
Der dgti-Ergänzungsausweis ist ein standardisiertes Ausweispapier, das alle selbstgewählten personenbezogenen Daten (Vorname, Pronomen und Geschlecht) dokumentiert und ein aktuelles Passfoto zeigt. Bei sämtlichen Innenministerien, bei der Polizei, vielen Behörden, Banken, Universitäten, Versicherungen und anderen Stellen ist er bekannt und akzeptiert. Dort, wo dies noch nicht der Fall ist, hilft ein QR-Code auf dem Ausweis weiter.
MtF podcast recommendations
Feel free to suggest in the comments :) Just looking for something relatable to listen to while commuting or doing household chores xx
Your favourite mixes
Drop them below! Preferably with Genre / Style mentions :)
I'm super worried about my hairline regression
Makes me feel super dysphoric - currently I already have a discernible M shape on my forehead (short-medium hair ATM, growing it out) -.- Any tips on what I can do before going on hormones? Could that hair grow back once I'm on them? Any hairstyling advice?