Why was the soccer field always wet?
Because the players kept dribbling on it!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
A bagel!
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it!
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with him!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
Why was the broom late for work?
It swept in!
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?
Because they work on so many levels!
Why did the bird get a ticket?
Because it was caught tweeting on its phone!
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To work on its pecks!
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador!
Why don’t calculators make good friends?
Because they’re always calculating and never stop to listen!
How did the barber win the race?
He knew all the short cuts!
Why did the chef quit?
He couldn't make enough dough!
Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because it knew it wasn't less than or greater than anyone else!
Why do we never tell secrets on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
Why did the clock get kicked out of the library?
Because it tocked too much!
Why do people say "break a leg" before a performance?
Because every play has a cast!
Why do bananas never feel lonely?
Because they hang out in bunches!