What kinds of toxic masculinity have you encountered?

You can just vent if you want, but here’s more context: We're playing a DnD oneshot soon, and the theme is toxic masculinity (particularly in a gym). We’re all playing dudes who visited the gym for a long time already. I already have some ideas for my character, but I want to collect some more stories of toxic masculinity, as I’m quite lucky that my bubble doesn’t have much of it.

43 comments

It wasn't over the top toxic, but I remember my old immigrant Italian landlord was on the phone with me as I called him about a repair, and after speaking to me about what I needed for a moment, asked if he could speak to my ex instead because he didn't seem to think I could take the instructions.

“Real men don’t put cream in their coffee.”
No, real men don’t give a shit how others drink their coffee, Stanley.
- Real men cream in their coffee
  
  This guy masculinates intoxically.
  
  How else are you supposed to stir it?

There are a lot of great answers here, but I’d like to add one that I think is often forgotten in these conversations:
Purposeful incompetence around supposedly non-masculine skills.
It drives me up the wall every time I hear some dude talk about how they don’t know how to do basic tasks of living because the women in their lives take care of it for them.
Guys who act like laundry, cooking, dishes, changing a diaper, gardening, grocery shopping, etc. require arcane knowledge they just don’t possess.
- +1 if they can rp the incompetence into an adv roll. Literal weaponised incompetence
- That reminds me of a former job I had. I had a male coworker who refused to make coffee. It was a small company with only 10 employees and we had this really cheap machine where you just put coffee in the upper part and then let the water run through. Don't know what it's called. Anyway, that coffee machine had ONE (1!) button: on/off. He'd always try to make me or the only other woman in the office make the coffee because "You women know better how to do those things. I never make coffee". The best part: he was one of the engineers in charge of repairing the power tools that the company sells!
  So, what happened if we refused or weren't there? There just wasn't any coffee! Those guys would rather not have their coffee than make it themselves!

Real men don't wipe their ass. That's touching your butt, which is always gay unless you have to scratch it.
- When I first read about this, I thought it was satire. Unfortunately, it isn't.
- It’s gay to even have a butt; I don’t have a body.
  
  Bro I'm so straight I don't have a soul either. I'm just the lingering smell of a man that once existed.

Music was always the one for me. I couldn't listen to that music or this music because "That's gay bro". It didn't matter that I listened to a large variety, it was instilled in me that some music is okay, other stuff is not.
One of my earliest memories was being into Britney Spears. I was young, 10 or so. Dad was never home and I learned to like my own music on my own time without him, and I liked her music. My memory is that I was listening to it in the car, my CD of hers, and then I remember mom and dad arguing, and I don't remember ever seeing that CD again. My mom confirmed when I was an adult that dad threw it out because he didn't want me to listen to her. Did he share any of his music with me as an alternative? No of course not, I just couldn't listen to that.
Now as an adult I've fully embraced it. I love me Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Queen, and other "manly" bands (Yes I know, I chuckle too at Queen), but I'm also an avid Swifty (I even mod [email protected] ) because sometimes you just want a song that feels a bit happier, and I even took my wife to the Eras tour. I love Olivia Rodrigo because damn if we don't all have some teenage angst sometimes, and I've gone back a bit to Britney too - but not as much.
What a shame that people think that art should be subject to what they think the world is like. There is room to like many different things. Enjoying one thing doesn't mean you dislike another thing. People can like many different things. I can enjoy A24 films while also laughing at Wil Farrell movies. None of that means that I'm this or that - humans are complex and like what we like. Thanks for reading this far :)
- Thanks for your view, I hadn’t considered music before.
- I will not accept this Led Zeppelin slander, they have one happy song, the glorious Bron-Y-Aur Stomp!
  
  absolutely true lol
- One of my earliest memories was being into Britney Spears. I was young, 10 or so. Dad was never home and I learned to like my own music on my own time without him, and I liked her music. My memory is that I was listening to it in the car, my CD of hers, and then I remember mom and dad arguing, and I don't remember ever seeing that CD again.
  Its so funny to see all those guys, who called groups like Nsync and BSB "gay" back in middle school in the '90s, lose their fucking minds and start singing and dancing along when something like "Bye Bye Bye" comes on the jukebox at the bar.
  To be honest, I hated boy bands back then too but there's definitely some nostalgia hearing them today.
  
  Honestly I look back and put them. How many of them had similar experiences to me? That was taught to them, they didn't make it up themselves.
  
  He didn't want you listening to her music. But I bet he would have appreciated you putting a poster of her over your bed.
- Man, what a sad way to live their lives. I love "scaring the bros" music. Was watching Glastonbury festival on tv last weekend and the two best sets I caught were Charli XCX and Doechii.
  
  Any YouTubes of their sets?

As a gay trans guy who grew up in the 90's trying to sort out the toxic masculinity/internalized misogyny while fully closeted and being unaware that other trans men exist is a trip. Like doing all that "I have no emotions and refuse anything remotely girl-coded" song and dance kind of made me into what looked from the outside like a "pick-me" for years and I was relentlessly pursued romantically by people I just wanted to hang out and drink beer with. It was isolating and fucked up even if the behaviour soothed the dysphoria.
Had to address the internalized misogyny thing first, realize that was not motivating the trans portion of the issue and then had to work on getting off the toxic sauce that felt so darkly affirming and actually spend time with cis men who had properly deconstructed their own masculinity. Now I'm generally way better off and have a bunch of folk whom I brunch with who gas each other up over cocktails.

Every time the party encounter a FEMALE they have to comment on their body and if they'd have intercourse with her or if she isn't hot enough to be worthy of their attention. And if all of them say no but one says he'd "do her" all the others have to mock him for his low standards (see moped).
They all have to one-up each other all the time on all kind of small things.
No one can ever see another man peepee. They all have to refer to their peepees with highly sounding names that confer absolute potency (e. g. the horn of breeding).
Their horses/companion animals have to be waaaay oversized and impractical, with no real bonuses and lots of drawbacks (e. g. Brutus the destroyer, a 100kg dog that is slow, eats all the time, shits copious amounts that they have to pick up and has a dps of 2, and love scratches behind the ears).
They have to carry ~~wallets~~ swords on their back because it looks cool but it's absolutely impractical. A couple of true stories on this last bit: my dad once told me I should start putting my wallet in my back pocket "like a man". A friend of mine got back problems because he used to sit all day with his wallet on his back.
- Love the ideas
  
  Just thought of a couple more: they have to eat unhealthy amount of meat (pork or beef only obviously) and zero vegetables (fries are acceptable). Breakfast is a mixture of (leftover) pizza, fat, eggs and any other kind of heavy greasy food. Even better if blended together so they can show how manly they are by their prowess in eating shit. They have to drink lots and lots of beer, and the first one to say they had enough (of either meat or beer) is mocked for being a lightweight.

Man up, stop crying. Walk it off. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It builds character.
talk over all female characters because you know better than them. Disregard professional advice if it comes from a female character. Ask if you can get a second opinion, but only if the first one comes from a female character. Females are lower than men. Your job is to provide for them. They do not have the emotional stability to run anything. That's why they clean, cook, and take care of children. That is why men handle politics, governance, leadership, and other important roles. Wo- cough Females can't be trusted to be stable enough to handle such big tasks. You are important. You are big and dominant. Feeeeemales are small and submissive.
Real men have muscles. Real men don't cry. Real men are physically strong. Real men are stoic, only showing emotion in instances of overwhelming happiness or loss. Real men know how to fight. Real men never back down. Real men never run away. Real men can do anything. As a man, you own the world around you, including feeeeemales.
I can keep going, but tbh I feel gross. I had to deal with a lot of this as a kid. I don't think my parents realized how gross the male adults around me were, otherwise I'm pretty sure they would have been shocked and appalled by it.
- Except the stuff about men being better than women, toxic masculinity sounds a lot like men gatekeeping other men (and themselves) 🤔 thanks for the long answer!
- Every time I see the word "females" in contexts like this I imagine the person writing the post is a Ferengi pretending to be human.

a DnD oneshot soon, and the theme is toxic masculinity
Sounds like... fun. Why do you want real-world problems in your games?
- To make satire of them and laugh about it
- My response to Real Men® statements is "Real men don't need their masculinity defined by others."

I used to participate in r/theredpill. It's an ideology that got increasingly toxic over the years.
The part that truly made me ditch the manosphere was meeting a lady on a dating app who mentioned to me that RooshV was doing a rally near her town and that it had her fearing for her life. For the record, that was an incel/redpill influencer who was an advocate for legalizing spousal rape.

Which is kinda funny because I would use shimpoo, but gods forbid men can have some skin routine. It's not my thing, but let people do what they want.

Taking senseless risks for little or no reward, terrible attitudes toward health & safety

Put on a higher weight than you can safely lift to not be outdone by the guy next to you, especially if your bro is watching.
Grunt/scream really loudly and slam the weights down, regardless of if your doing your max or just warming up.
Don't spot exercise your glutes, never stretch or train mobility or balance or cardio.
Don't wipe the equipment after use.
Don't take the plates off of the machines afterwards.
Do spill pwo and protein powder and don't clean it.
Use deodorant or body spray instead of showering after ("I already showered this morning").
Insist on jumping in between sets when someone else is working out, especially if it's a woman.
Offer (mostly poor or extremely basic) advice on technique to everyone who uses lighter weights than you, regardless of their actual form - especially if it's a woman.
Be insistent than any woman with headphones needs to take them off and pause their workout to hear the most pointless question or comment you can think of ("where did you get that?" & point to a bag clearly printed with a chain store name, or "it's good you keep your hair in a pony tail, don't want it to get stuck in the machine!", or "why do women always do that leg-kick-excercise? You don't need it, I like small asses anyway", or "have you tried this gainzzZ-drink?(hold up a half-drunk ready-made shake), it's not too chalky compared to their previous recipe").

Real men characteristics:
Uneducated
Willing to fight after losing a debate
Only have 3 emotions- mad, sad, horny
Refer to themselves as alphas
Impose favors on women for a reward
Assume women are flattered by attention
Might makes right
Ends justify the means
Say offensive things to assert dominance
Believe that children are small adults
Try to take charge by yelling
Poor impulse control
Only have aggressive impersonal seggs
Low Theory of Mind ability
- You forgot the red hat.

Use your expensive/show-off devices everywhere, even if it's extremely unpractical: drive the car/take the horse to go to a place next door. Have the most expensive, top-notch devices to do the easiest and most mundane tasks.

43 comments