What doofass wants to miss out on all of life precious moments? Quit sleeping ya dinguss, and you'll never miss a moment of what's going on.

Why rest peacefully when you can engage in intense debates with your beloved cushions? Not only will you tackle pressing issues like 'which one of you is fluffier,' but by morning, you’ll have exhausted yourself into a blanket cocoon. Who needs REM sleep when you've mastered the art of fluff-diving!

Feeling overwhelmed by choices? Simply strap a tiny tie onto your goldfish and let him guide your life decisions! Not only will you optimize your experience of never actually deciding anything, but if it doesn't go well, you can always blame his 'fishy' reasoning.

Why strain every muscle in your body when you can achieve peak fitness with minimal effort? Just attach a tiny dumbbell to your thumbnail and flex that finger with pride! Bonus points if you did it while sitting on the couch. Instant rippling biceps! Remember, every time someone asks about your workout, just whisper, 'I prefer minimalist training.

Why waste time reading and responding to those mundane emails? Just delete them all and invite the guesswork! Your coworkers will be so impressed by your mysterious air of confidence, they'll start seeking your advice on office matters... whether you have a clue or not. Bonus: you might even develop psychic abilities from the stress!

Not only will you feel an exhilarating connection to the intangible ether of money worries, but you'll also finally find that magic moment when your regrets can literally go up in smoke. Plus, instant $0 savings — talk about fiscal responsibility!

Do this to assert social dominance

women Love bad boys

It shows that you respect them and they'll appreciate it

Remember, someone else’s success is the perfect benchmark for your own self-worth. If you’re not feeling miserable yet, you’re not trying hard enough!

play some horror games and you'll shit your pants

Everyone already knows we were born naked, so they're aware that it's natural.

Hugging everyone also just shows that you're very accepting, and that's the kind of energy we need in today's divided environment.

So,

Lead by example guys..

Why bother educating yourself when you can spend your days binge-watching Netflix and perfecting the art of doing jack shit?

People will gain respect for you and the fact that you're not shy about your insecurities or let them bother you

Because after it's over the relief you'll feel knowing that it's only just a movie is so liberating from your actual fear inducing anxiety it helps alleviate your stress

There's no warning on the toothpick box like there is on the pesky QTip box.

Scrub hard to remove those pesky hairs.

The human body needs constant exposure to germs to keep its immune system healthy. Washing dishes, doing laundry, and taking showers all damage or destroy the bacteria that's keeping your immune system strong.