Like... before y'all yell "narcissist"... I do genuinely think there is a part of her that "cares" about me... but I feel like its a kinda twisted and weird way of "love"...
I'm not going to diagnose her, because all I know about her is from your post and the one comment. What I will say, though, is just because someone seems to care about someone, doesn't mean that they're not a narcissist. Narcissists will often make it so their actions seem caring, and that is specifically part of what they use to hook you.
Take my example - I was abused by a narcissist for a year or so. One of the things she did was to worry about my alcohol consumption. Seems like a genuine caring thing to do, alcoholism can be a serious problem. I like to party, but I'm not an alcoholic and never have been. But here's the thing: partying is usually when I saw my friends, and those friends were worried about what was happening to me. They didn't know the ins and outs of emotional abuse, but they knew that something was off, and they knew my abuser was up to no good. Of course, my abuser didn't want me to realize what was going on, so that was a way of getting me to have less contact with those friends (she also "worried" that they were the wrong crowd to hang out with). And I generally believed that she was genuinely concerned, albeit misguided - due to all the manipulation, there was no way in hell that I would believe it wasn't genuine concern. And I believed it for a hell of a long time. It was kind of a catch 22 - how could I possibly accuse her of having ulterior motives if she's doing so much for me, even if it is misguided? And because I wouldn't dare accuse her of having ulterior motives, I contributed to believe that she was actually doing things for me, making me more emotionally attached. It took me three months after I was out of that situation to realize that maybe she wasn't doing all these things out of the misguided goodness of her heart, and that maybe there was some other reason. And then, things started to click. In a horrifying fashion.
Let's come back to your situation. You had mentioned that it is a matter of control, which is spot on. Let's take that a bit further: as you alluded to, it means you can't talk honestly about the relationship with your mother. That seems to be something you want to do, and rightly so. What could the consequences be if you take to your therapist about that relationship? Well you could come to the realization that the relationship is toxic, or abusive. That realization is the first step to getting out of a toxic or abusive relationship, and that is in all likelihood something your mother wants to avoid at all costs. So, essentially, being there when that topic comes up could be a way to nip it at the bud.
I'm not saying that she is a narcissist. What I am saying is that it's in your best interest to not discount that possibility all that quickly, especially since your reason for discounting it is typical for people who are experiencing narcissistic abuse but haven't come to terms with it yet. Take your time, and try to stay open minded, even if it is very difficult in that kind of a situation (and definitely try to find a way to speak with your therapist without your mother around, you are absolutely on the right track with that).
I'm like this sometimes, and if I would set my alarm clock 5 minutes earlier it wouldn't change much because my mind would go "well, you did set your alarm 5 minutes earlier, you can relax for another 5 minutes".
From my experience, it's the inability to read the cues, especially body language, of autistic people.
Picture it from the other side for a moment. Neurotypical people constantly show some kind of body language. And they often don't even know it - it's instinctual for them. It shows the outside world whether they're happy, sad, think of themselves as better or worse than others, how much energy they have, etc. They also read everyone else's body language, and use it to interpret whether the people may pose a threat to them. This guy is relaxed, on his phone and has tuned out the outside world - not a threat. This guy is happy and quite joyful - not a threat. This guy is agressive and has his nose in the air - stay the fuck away. And again, all of this happens subconsciously. So then suddenly, there's a person who's body language your subconscious can't interpret. Your subconscious has no clue if this person is a threat or not, and that makes it uncomfortable. If in doubt, your subconscious says "rather safe than sorry". And if your conscious side doesn't know how autistic people can express themselves, you don't have anything to override it.
A theater teacher I had once explained how to make your body language 100% neutral. He then said: "this is not something you ever do in daily life. Normally, you're always communicating something through your body language, and others pick up on it subconsciously. If you want to have some fun, go to a crowded subway platform and do that neutral stance. It won't take long before people start taking a distance, it freaks people the fuck out."
It's possible to learn most of the body language of autistic people, but it's not something that comes naturally to most. I've learned it myself, since I grew up with a number of autistic relatives (although sometimes I suspect I may be ever so slightly on the spectrum, but I've never bothered to look into it too deeply, so maybe take me "learning" it with a grain of salt), and if I pay attention I can notice the moment where my brain switches how it interprets cues from other people.
I would be careful with the statement that license plates have done little to mitigate road safety issues, though. They have not fixed the problem entirely of course, far from it, but they have greatly increased accountability, because all an ordinary citizen needs to do in the case of a hit and run is to note the plate number. It also enables the use of speed and red light cameras, which have also lead to a decrease in dangerous driving. (And note - speed and red light cameras are not surveillance in that sense, since they - bar malfunctions - only hit those who are guilty or are very likely to be guilty).
So are you arguing that cars shouldn't have license plates, either? Because if the point of license plates is to enable surveillance, then that would apply to cars, as well.
I have to say, I've always admired the Stack exchange system. Yes, it's a Karma-like system, and it's obviously not perfect, but it means that accounts always start with very little abilities, most notably that they're not able to downvote yet. And when those accounts do get the ability to downvote (which doesn't come all too quickly), it costs a certain amount of their "reputation", which makes them think twice about downvoting.
The scammers will often try to portray themselves like that, but it's far from the truth. Very often, the scammers end up getting way, way richer than you and I could ever dream to be. That's not some Robin Hood like action, that's theft, plain and simple. If they were going after those big companies and distributing the wealth in their communities, that would be one thing (in fact, the communities around them often hate them as well). But they're going after the most vulnerable and using the money to drive around in overpriced cars.
So no, I will not treat them like normal people, I will treat them like the organized criminals they are who do not stop harassing me.
Actually makes me wish I had kids, this is brilliant.
I've been getting a lot of spam calls lately. Eventually said fuck it and screwed with them as much as possible. The best times were where I had something to do that didn't require much brainpower but had to be done. I eventually was able to keep them on the phone for up to a half an hour by pretending I was following their instructions until they realized I was bullshitting them. Everything from the internet being slow (and going on a rant about "ever since I moved to [made up town] I've had to deal with this shitty Internet, and they promised it to make it better X years ago") to fake accents and changing my voice, or sometimes just not having a clue if I have an iPhone or Android and getting walked through how to figure it out. Once they figure out I'm bullshitting them they get furious. Absolutely hilarious.
Unfortunately for the fuckery with the scammers I don't have as much brainless stuff to do at the moment. Though I still do fuck with them, I keep it short. Some things they really hate:
go into the bathroom, and when they're explaining their stuff flush the toilet so they can clearly hear it
answer in a voice like you're getting off. Instead of "yes" answer "Oh God yes". At a fitting moment say "Oh God I'm going to cum"
go really far away from the microphone and speak softly, and when they ask you to speak louder tell them you're already speaking loudly, something must be up with the line. They'll most likely turn up the volume. Once the conversation goes to their scam and they're not thinking about it anymore, scream as loud as you can into the microphone.
"How would you like to get fucked in the ass?" (Works best with men, considering those men often seem to be pretty prejudiced)
in a crazy voice: "HEY, WHAT DO YOU WANT, I'M TAKIN A SHIAAAAT"
"You say you're from [insert company they're pretending to be from]? Shit, your ex was right, you are a liar!
"you work for [insert company they're pretending to be from]? Is that what you tell your mother?
"Hey [insert their fake name they gave you, the way they pronounced it], if you're going to use a fake name, at least learn to pronounce it right"
if you recognize the name from an earlier call, reference what happened in that earlier call and rile them up further about it
when they're about to hang up: "don't be a chicken, don't hang up! I have a bet going with my friend here, if you hang up, I win!"
after getting insulted because you told them you know they're not who they say they are: "you're insulting me, which means I'm right, thank you!" [Proceed to laugh loudly]
Anyway, I have more, it's just not popping into my head at the moment. But creativity is the key here, and it's fucking entertaining.
I'm not going to diagnose her, because all I know about her is from your post and the one comment. What I will say, though, is just because someone seems to care about someone, doesn't mean that they're not a narcissist. Narcissists will often make it so their actions seem caring, and that is specifically part of what they use to hook you.
Take my example - I was abused by a narcissist for a year or so. One of the things she did was to worry about my alcohol consumption. Seems like a genuine caring thing to do, alcoholism can be a serious problem. I like to party, but I'm not an alcoholic and never have been. But here's the thing: partying is usually when I saw my friends, and those friends were worried about what was happening to me. They didn't know the ins and outs of emotional abuse, but they knew that something was off, and they knew my abuser was up to no good. Of course, my abuser didn't want me to realize what was going on, so that was a way of getting me to have less contact with those friends (she also "worried" that they were the wrong crowd to hang out with). And I generally believed that she was genuinely concerned, albeit misguided - due to all the manipulation, there was no way in hell that I would believe it wasn't genuine concern. And I believed it for a hell of a long time. It was kind of a catch 22 - how could I possibly accuse her of having ulterior motives if she's doing so much for me, even if it is misguided? And because I wouldn't dare accuse her of having ulterior motives, I contributed to believe that she was actually doing things for me, making me more emotionally attached. It took me three months after I was out of that situation to realize that maybe she wasn't doing all these things out of the misguided goodness of her heart, and that maybe there was some other reason. And then, things started to click. In a horrifying fashion.
Let's come back to your situation. You had mentioned that it is a matter of control, which is spot on. Let's take that a bit further: as you alluded to, it means you can't talk honestly about the relationship with your mother. That seems to be something you want to do, and rightly so. What could the consequences be if you take to your therapist about that relationship? Well you could come to the realization that the relationship is toxic, or abusive. That realization is the first step to getting out of a toxic or abusive relationship, and that is in all likelihood something your mother wants to avoid at all costs. So, essentially, being there when that topic comes up could be a way to nip it at the bud.
I'm not saying that she is a narcissist. What I am saying is that it's in your best interest to not discount that possibility all that quickly, especially since your reason for discounting it is typical for people who are experiencing narcissistic abuse but haven't come to terms with it yet. Take your time, and try to stay open minded, even if it is very difficult in that kind of a situation (and definitely try to find a way to speak with your therapist without your mother around, you are absolutely on the right track with that).