Jokes on you, we play every rpg!
Bards aren't just "a talented musician" they literally use magic. They're basically wizards that went the liberal arts path in college.
Yeah, in that case I think you did everything that could reasonably be expected of you.
A war could always just end by the bad guy (from your perspective) winning decisively.
I think as a teenager I played a lot of Bards because being likeable and everyone doing what you say is kind of nice when you're an awkward disempowered kid, but nowadays I mix it up. Mostly just because playing the same character repeatedly would get kind of boring for me, and I want to explore different territory, even if it's on the level of "original the hedgehog donut steal"
That's kind of funny in a terrible way when you consider that a lot of security research is pentesting.
Therapist: "Also you're fat"
Patient: [incoherent sobbing]
Therapist: "Ok so you're insecure about that too, try to work on that..."
I only implement restrictions when there's actually a problem. Haven't needed to in a long time
Some people, especially kids (no shade, I'm mostly talking about myself when I was younger) have difficulties focusing on the game when the distraction machine is in front of them, leading to DMs restricting or banning their use.
I think that was the right action, but you could have explained better. Instead of just "Ok, you stay at the tavern" something like "Ok, you can stay at the tavern if you really want to, but you do understand that will mean you're sitting here bored all afternoon while the rest of us play, right?"
Everybody's gotta learn some time
Mac and cheese for dinner is lame and lazy too, but also fucking delicious. TTRPGS are something your friends put together for you out of love, not necessarily some clinically perfect professional product. And to extend the metaphor, if you go to a dinner party and start bitching about your friend not plating the food like a Michelin star place, you're an asshole.
There are lots of places that will print for you (eg https://www.shapeways.com/), but it's cheaper and easier than ever to print your own right now! You can get a cheapo chinese printer for a hundred bucks, or an excellent Bambu for $250 (https://us.store.bambulab.com/products/a1-mini) Then you feed your model into something called a Slicer which will let you adjust all those parameters to your heart's content (Flashprint is beginner friendly, Cura or Orcaslicer are more advanced options, all free) You'll also need a roll of filament ($13-$20 for one roll, enough to print hundreds of minis) and then you just hit start and see how it goes! If your print fails, nbd, it's like a fraction of a cent of plastic, just tweak and try again!
The material you want to use is called PLA, it's cheap and easy to work with. Note that all the above prices are in USD, it's likely more expensive to get shipped to Australia, but a lot of it comes straight from China so you never know. Feel free to message me with any questions or troubleshooting help
Listen, if Bashir can casually turn Sisko into a klingon in an afternoon, outpatient, I'm pretty sure becoming my fursona gender transition is nbd
My boring dayjob is to sit in front of the holodeck and shoot anything weird that comes out.
I’ve always just treated it as a natural 3D extension of the 2D grid rules
I believe that's how it's handled in D&D too, or at least how my table has always done it. I meant more as a practical matter, you're very unlikely to have a vertical wall grid and some kind of stand of the correct height for your minis, so you can't just count squares like you would for horizontal movement. That's when the Pythagorean Theorem comes up in my experience.
That's fair. Perhaps another style of DMing and/or a different system are more your speed.
If you actually have to use that much math more than once in a blue moon, you're doing it wrong.
There's no grid in the sky, though
- Deplete their resources by putting the fight at the end of a dungeon or other chain of different kinds of encounters
- Higher level monsters
- Smart enemies. Sit down and think about what they do as if you were playing them in someone else's game. Dumb dragons land and get murdered, smart dragons stay in the air, flame the party, and have been abusing contingency spells for the last millennium.
- Stakes other than player death. Sure we can kill these bandits, but can we do it before they get away with the orphanage fund? What if they take hostages? What are we going to do about all these fires they set on the way in?
- Make it feel more dangerous than it is by use of good description. A hippo is a relatively low level monster, but when that one player that knows how scary they are IRL realizes what you're describing, they will crap their pants.
I only recall seeing the hallway bunks in Lower Decks, and I think that was intended as a joke.

A small logistics tweak that's worked well for me
Perhaps obvious to everyone else, but I've hit upon a little trick for better coordinating game time. Instead of announcing "Game will be at 1 o'clock" I've been doing something like "Doors open at Noon, Game starts at 1." This way, the people that want to hang out, level their characters, decide what they like on their pizza, etc all show up at noon, and the people that are running late or decide to come at 1 arrive with the expectation that they're going to walk in the door and immediately start playing. It also provides a natural transition point from the arriving/hanging out mode to game time, which otherwise makes me feel kind of uncomfortably teacher-y, calling the whole class together and whatnot. Try it out, maybe it will help you too.

It's not Critical Role, it's Podcasting Itself
I recently started a new campaign. Two players (one who has played in my games before and their SO, who has been begging me for a spot for years) unexpectedly dropped out, moments before our first session. Their reason was somewhat baffling; they said they didn't want to spend "all day" on this, despite the game only going from noon to 3PM. They seemed to think this was a totally unreasonable expectation on my part, despite them previously having stated they were available during that time. This puzzled me.
I've been musing on this, and the strange paradox of people that say they want to play D&D but don't actually want to play D&D, and I've had an epiphany.
A lot of people blame Critical Role or other popular D&D shows for giving prospective players misplaced perceptions, often related to things like your DM's voice acting ability or prop budget, but I don't think that's what's going on here. My realization is that, encoded in the medium of podcasts and play videos, is anothe

I need 1 more thing an evil necromancer dictator would have in his garden
I've got an unholy-water fountain, a human chessboard, and an evil hedge maze. I need 1 more thing to put in the last corner of the square courtyard/garden thing. Any suggestions?