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Wildmimic

@ Wildmimic @anarchist.nexus

Posts
3
Comments
675
Joined
6 mo. ago

Avid PC gamer, Linux convert, SCP fan.

Love Science Fiction, Cyberpunk, post-apocalyptic settings; Fan of the games of the defunct Arkane Studios. Listening to (Power-, Speed-, Thrash-)Metal, Gothic, Deathrock, EBM, Vaporwave, Lo-Fi; Classic and Musicals are fine too. Can't stand Hip-Hop.

Owned by two cats, recently divorced, blessed with a personality disorder (AVPD) - pensioned (even the state has the opinion I'm a total wreck lol). This causes me to be unable to keep up personal connections and makes me ghost literally everyone, so if it happens to you, sorry in advance.

Chronically online.

Pro GenAI, but Anti-GenAI-Corpos; this technology should be available to everyone, which would only be fair since we all contributed to it. Datasets and Models should be under the jurisdiction of UNESCO, since they are literally the distilled cultural output of humanity.

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • If it just someone happens once in a while then most kids might not even notice something is up. A kid in an household where it happens often will know it. A kid in an abusive household will be terrified and will try to mitigate it.

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • The predictability and clearly communicated rules are worth a lot and very important, it instills a sense of security. in my opinion there's nothing worse than instability for a kid,

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • Same here - I am close to two meters in height and a heavy boy, but i can move so silently that i spook most people when they finally detect me. I actively try to make noise if i come up to someone unsuspecting.

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • I don't know if i can actually connect with people who have the same issues I have, although i know me and the other person would have to be locked in the same room so we can keep in touch - two people who don't call each other might get along, but it's not really a relationship isn't it lol

    I also have two younger siblings, but our mother slowly got her act together over the years, so i took the brunt of the instability at home - i might have acted as a stabilizing factor for my siblings too, at least i hope i did. I know they both do a lot better than I do.

    The culty stuff reads awful; weirdly enough i stumbled across this piece where lots of US troops got told by their superiors the war against Iran is so that Jesus can return (and they have the sick idea Trump is anointed) - this sounds very much like the same thing, or at least very adjacent.

    I have the luck to live in central Europe, with a useful social safety net - i was declared unfit for work after i had a nervous breakdown because i couldn't withstand the stress of regular work. it's actually the way i get a little apartment for me if all works out... 36m² isn't large, but enough for me and my 2 cats, and i can afford it with my little pension. I just wanted to write that i do not know what would have happened if i lived in the US, but that's not true: reality is that i would be a crazy homeless person or dead.

    It's good to read you have such a stable relationship and hope you are happy in it. Wish you all the best!

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • Therapy is very frustrating, i agree with you. Progress is soooo slow, and there seems to be this barrier i simply cannot break through. But at least it helped with some of my most self-destructive impulses like my addiction to fentanyl painkillers, which is the reason i keep going there,

    I am a bit of an outlier i think, because i have been in multiple relationships for the last 27 years (it's not that i had the courage to actually try for relationships, but it still happened, back then when i had a bit of social life in my early 20s), so i at least wasn't physically lonely (in the beginning), but emotionally i always withdrew after the "honeymoon" phase, trapping myself in a limbo where i lived with someone, but i couldn't do shit because i wasn't able to take the space for myself i would've needed to actually live, or even end the relationship out of fear of conflict.

    I am actually going to live on my own for the first time now (starting with april or may), and I think it will be for the better. I do fear the loneliness, but it will probably beat being stuck in perpetuity in a long dead relationship.

    It really is a lonely disorder, even when there are people.

  • Macron says France will allow temporary deployment of nuclear-armed jets to European allies

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  • There are sharks in the water, all of them nuclear powers, and the EU - especially the smaller countries that make up the majority - need a deterrence. Before, that was the US, but that path is blocked.

    I feel much better with France as the nuclear power preventing Russia and the USA from grabbing what land they can than with having the naive believe that the US will still come to our aid in the case Putin starts raiding the EU.

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • Damn that's hard, sorry you had to experience that. My mother was a teen who couldn't fend for herself when she got me and my father was a drunkard, never hitting anyone but always shouting physical threats around. In the last years I've grown the suspicion that he had the same issues as i have, with no therapy. (He died stumbling while drunk hitting his head alone in his messy apartment, so i can't ask him and i wouldn't if he lived anyways)

    AvPD is developed in the first few years of life (there is definitely a genetic component in play, but there is not much research on it, since we are not problematic for our surroundings and tend to not seek help because we don't want to inconvenience anyone - any researcher will have a pretty hard time finding enough of us), so i can only make an educated guess what happened back then, which probably was the same stuff i experienced later.

    I think i might have had a chance at a much better life if the first few years had been stable, just so that the core of my personality had enough time to form. I am missing the basic trust most people have that everything will turn out all right and that what people tell me in regard to my relationship with them is the truth. Like, people can tell me straight up they enjoy spending time with me and i don't believe them.

    I hope you have at least a bit of that basic trust going for you. If you have, hold onto it, it's something precious.

  • Americans: How the hell do you meet new people or get into relationships after college?

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  • I agree on this. I just commented on my AvPD, which makes social contacts ... complicated (just look in my comment history).

    I haven''t been without a partner since i was 18. Im 46 now, and newly out of a relationship (but we had a good run). I never actually tried to flirt with anyone. The only thing i really did is to listen well, make appropriate compliments and give my input. I don't even look good, I've been a fat fuck since childhood and a nerd on top. I've even had to turn down advances a few times.

  • Americans: How the hell do you meet new people or get into relationships after college?

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  • I've been told the same thing from my aunt, which moved into the countryside with her newlywed husband long ago. She only got to get friends after her firstborn got into school - the 8 years until that time were very isolating, even with work contacts.

  • US launches military operations in Ecuador

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  • If they keep it up, there will not be enough cocaine to fuel the US governments needs and they might chill out.

  • French programmers be like:

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  • Kansas doggie, titties, indian car, pink skirt are strange metasyntactic variables.

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • “I noticed my mom was upset, so I tried to cheer her up” can also mean "i have to cheer mom up because dad was mean to her".

    "My siblings are upset, i have to cheer them up" - this is parentification.

    I am still very empathic, sensing emotions and reading subtle cues really good - but my brain interprets a lot of stuff as threatening, because all of this sensing was mixed with unpredictability. If you always get the same response, you can learn to work with that - if the response is not predictable, you get fucked up like me.

  • eggshells all the way down

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  • That's me - I've been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder because of situations described above.

    I try to be invisible whenever possible. I try to not stand in the way in the subway even if there is enough space to go around. I always try to stand close to a wall - if I cannot see part of a room i get anxious. The worst experience is being in a mess hall or large waiting room, because in addition to the above my brain cannot filter the noise of so many people to find out if there are threatening voices somewhere in the mix.

    That also means that I cannot keep social contacts alive. If you call or message me, my brain fears that i did something wrong and i cannot answer. I also can not reach out, because I feel that i will trigger someone to be angry at me. Even if I am simply talking with someone, i suspect that i am a burden in some way, because "just keeping up the conversation" is what i would do to prevent repercussions.

    People, don't shout at your kids - verbal aggression is aggression too.

    I've been in therapy for a substantial part of my life and at least my autoaggressive behavior has been reduced (not stopped, but it's a lot better than before), but my therapist has told me that i have to dampen my expectations - i will live my life with this until the day i die, i can only learn to compensate in my reaction after going through this shit internal response every. single. time.

  • Poland Will Eventually Seek Its Own Nuclear Weapons, Tusk Says

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  • There are not so many options available to protect your country in the case of unwarranted aggression. Not that I am a fan of Iran's government, but if they had a stockpile of nukes and capable missiles available to flatten Israel, they wouldn't get fucking bombed by fascists to try to take away attention from their domestic issues today

  • I need this as a hat

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  • "how to get my mum to love me" does not look like working. The sign is a ruse so he can hyperfixate!

  • My child

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  • MULTIVERSE has defederated fedinsfw.app for hosting child pornography

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  • Sadly the weather here sucks currently, but thanks. I hope you have a nice day.

  • MULTIVERSE has defederated fedinsfw.app for hosting child pornography

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  • It's not even distasteful, it's simply honest. It is no secret that many men like young women, or else the "barely legal" category wouldn't exist, and this theme is even completely in the open when the US Republicans push for lowering the legal age for marriage.

    This exists in nearly every society, from the western "barely legal" porn theme over Mohammed having child wifes to japanese mangas which sexualize schoolgirls. (Edit: This is what the situation looks like in Brasil.) It is therefor important to acknowledge that these impulses exist, make sure children are protected by law and to have a societal understanding that children are harmed if those impulses are made reality.

    Those who suffer from having those impulses need ways to cope so that children are safe - either by offering therapy, "barely legal"-porn or "fauxbait", without ostracizing those who choose these things over harming children. If a different label for the same thing helps to even keep one child safe it's worth it. That would be a responsible way to deal with this situation.

    It's similar to those having a bad temper and aggressive impulses - giving those people an "out" by offering therapy, from competitive settings where they can live out their impulses (which can be anything from sports over video games to board games) to hitting each other with pool noodles and going into the woods to scream until their throats hurt.

    All of it is simply channeling destructive impulses into non-harmful ways to cope, and only an open and honest discourse will help.

  • MULTIVERSE has defederated fedinsfw.app for hosting child pornography

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  • You brought up the theme of porn preferences the moment you implied the downvotes have anything to do with "their porn will be limited".

    If you say that everyone downvoting simply has the fear that their preferred porn gets taken away, get corrected, and then double down by insinuating that i watch "kiddy porn", you will have to read what i actually watch.

    Edit: By the way, i AM interested in what you watch, because, you know, the accuser is often reflecting their own failings on others.

  • Political Videos @lemmy.world
    Wildmimic @anarchist.nexus

    Every Illegal Act Trump Committed In 2025 ( So Far)

  • cats @lemmy.world
    Wildmimic @anarchist.nexus

    Eevee is my little princess

  • PC Gaming @lemmy.ca
    Wildmimic @anarchist.nexus

    Looking to upgrade, compatibility question