Being a Luddite Is Cool and All, but Have You Seen the Hilarious Tapestries These New Looms Are Making?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m as invested in keeping my job as the next weaver. When the boss brought in that big new power loom, I was pretty skeptical. He said once he got it up and running, we’d all be out of a job, so when the boys started talking about breaking into the factory after work and smashing the thing, I was on board.

Until, that is, I saw the funny tapestries it could make. There’s this one—sorry, I keep cracking up when I think about it. It’s a bowl of gruel, right? But it’s also a pirate! It’s called “Gruellino Piratino,” and… well, no, it doesn’t mean anything; it’s just a silly character. They’re calling it “Nottinghamian brain-rotte,” and there’s a bunch of them. They’ve got King George III with a ham for a face, “Georgione Hamone”—I nearly cried when I saw it. My kids, at least the ones who don’t have rickets, think it’s hilarious.