You're not rambling and its not a bother. I know its stupid to say out loud by try to remember that a diasnosis does not equal a fixed result. You have endo, you know you have endo, you've known for years you have endo. What to DO about the endo, is unfortunately, a completely different story. Its insane you had to wait that long so I absolutely understand your dilemma there. I'd just talk to your specialist and just bear down on the details about the potential outcomes of the surgery and the potential alternatives. Come armed with other options and discuss it with them step by step. If they give you a single iota of pushback, you double down and talk through everything you need to. If they don't want to do this, then you know you've got the wrong doctor. They get so one-tracked that they're the bestest and smartest little boys and girls that they absolutely hate having their opinions questioned.
Yeah its an absolute minefield. She was down the rabbit hole quite often trying to do something to get help. I presume, given your statements about applying, you're not in the US? I suppose that would make it more complicated to get multiple opinions quickly. The pain vs. waiting tradeoff is a real motherfucker, and something I'm dealing with myself at the moment. All I would add, is if there is any doubt in your mind, hunt for more info or more opinions. Specialists, OBGYN's, anyone you can get to give you insight. I had a surgery where there was no defined outcomes and I "thought" the specialist was well informed and smart. Turns out he was a complete and total asshole, and it ruined my life. So there's two sides to every coin.
I am sitting here at 4am, procrastinating, because tomorrow I HAVE to pick my 2026 health insurance plan on the marketplace. I am absolutely terrified of what the prices will be. This year was $800 a month and $6,700 deductible. I know for a fact the premium has gone up by at least 20% but I don't know how crazy the deductible will get. Unfortunately, I pretty much need a PPO plan because the good doctors in the area only take them and NO ONE takes the HMO's. I can't be without insurance because of long covid and my 1,000,000 other health problems, but if its as bad as I think it will be, its going to break me. I haven't worked in a while and my savings are dwindling RAPIDLY. I can't get disability SSI because I don't have the tax history and I have more than $2,000 to my name, but disability is the only way to get onto Medicare which is the only way to escape this insurance nightmare.
Why aren't there more Luigi's? I will never understand this as long as I live.
Solidarity in the painful struggle, sister. I know I mentioned this to you before but that rant sounds a LOT like what that ex of mine used to say. And, I will again harp on the multiple medical opinions. She had been told the exact same thing about removal not improving anything. Then, magically, a new Dr. at a "better" hospital, had a completely different diagnosis. Then a third Dr. in a private practice had some completely new shit to say. I know its no solace, but don't lose hope that a better future and an end to some of this misery is out there for you.
I've been driving for 30 years now. I'll tell you this with absolute confidence - if I could move to a city where I wouldn't ever have to drive because I could bike and take public transport, I would do it in a HEARTBEAT. I cannot express to you how fucking miserable driving is down here. No one knows what they're doing and, even worse, no one knows where they're going! Covid caused all the frontal lobe damage to the drivers and they only make you renew your drivers license every 8 10 years here. I spend half my time on the road white knuckling it and yelling out my front windshield 'GREEN MEANS GO!' and "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TRY TO RUN INTO ME' while furiously honking the horn so they'll realize that their gigantic piece of shit car isn't supposed to be doing what they're attempting to do.
Not to mention, you have to pay for car insurance which is a small fortune.
If anyone gives you shit about it just tell them to suck your dick. Or, if you're less confrontational about it, tell them you're "legally blind". Make up any old shit, who gives a fuck!
As to feeling inferior, just remember that every single dumb motherfucker that you've ever met in your life has a drivers license and drives a car.
I'll tell you that even if you have money to find them, finding a good one or one that actually helps you is still extremely difficult. I've been through 4 this year alone and only 1 made it past the first session. The one that did basically gave up on me after 1 year. I'm looking at finding a new one now and its just faces in a crowd. I wouldn't know how to pick any of these people from Adam.
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That's too science-y for us.