I like the anonymity, though.
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Maybe there was a group therapy and the exercise was writing the monologue they wake up to down...? Then they of course reflected together why those were not useful messages and they learnt better ways to address their worries. (Let me dream).
I'm not a trans person, but maybe my experience will help. I thought for some years, when I was young, of having children because it was what my mother told me that gave happiness and even value to a [cis] woman. She criticized [cis] women who had no [cis] husband, who were lesbian, who were childless, etc. She even pitied them saying things like "poor Whoever, she ended up unmarried" or things like that. It was like living with a typical 19th century woman in a way.
So I internalized things, but then I started hitting adulthood and I started to question them. First the deal with heteronormativity and stuff. But then I questioned the idealization of pregnancy and motherhood. Oh, boy! It's a deep topic when you dive into it, but some highlights.
First, feminism has a lot of resources about how pregnancy is a very complex and even risky biological process and it is very subjective (and it should be subjective) if it is enjoyable or not; that is, some might enjoy it (and that's great news), but others might suffer or hate the whole process and that doesn't make them mean, evil, ungrateful or whatever (it's super valid not to enjoy it too). That made me think of it in a colder, more medical and more realistic way: it's a thing bodies can pass, there's no obligation, there's no magic, there's nothing. The aura, the mystification fell. It was a choice. Should I make it still?
Well, that's my second highlight: the morality of creating life. After some years, I concluded I had no right to impose life unto other. It sounds dramatic, but really, why should I bring another person to this life (especially to these times, but always)? To meet some social standard?, some biological tendencies that I might adopt blindly as rules (no, thanks)?, some narcissistic dream of seeing myself replicated? Philosophical antinatalism reaffirmed my thoughts as I haven't found convincing any "refutation" of it. And thus another myth fell: that we ought to reproduce. We don't; it might even be morally problematic or wrong (which is my stance).
And by questioning the aura, the aesthetics and even ethics we impose on pregnancy and motherhood, by making all the issue "naked", I noticed it was not appealing to me anymore. I'm tolerant as most vegans are tolerant of meat-consumers, like "you do you", but really it's kind of horrific to me sometimes as an idea. It feels like a science fiction thing. You can read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley in an antinatalist light and that's the vibe I sometimes get from people who manically (as Viktor) rush to have "babies" for the ideas behind (the baby shower, and the little objects, and the beautiful flowy dresses, and...), only to find out, like Viktor, that creating life should be about the responsibility and the creature and not the ego, the fanciful life, etc.
So I'm childless by choice. No crave from the uterus (lol) nor other misogynistic and outdated descriptions; and no unhappiness. I do have a partner, but I know I could be happy with just friends too. I can gladly say my mom was wrong on these ones. I found being a happy woman is not about fitting into these (honestly closed) boxes.The end. Sorry for the long comment.
Maybe I'm a gloomy person in a very unfortunate part of the world, but it's wild to me that someone thinks like that and not think immediately in sexual violence, kidnapping, human trafficking, etc. The standard of beauty near me is whiteness, of course, and beautiful white girls disappear a lot more than they should given the percentage they are among the population. Yes, I'm close to a sexual trafficking hot spot.
And for men there's less danger but it's also not perfect. Nobody's safe in the times being...
And it doesn't have to be crime, regular people often get a grudge over those things! Envy and resentment are powerful emotions. Also, there will always be the assumption that life was indeed easier for you and that you don't deserve the fruits of your efforts. These ones may seem like trivial social conflicts but, in a psychologically vulnerable person, they can be crushing. (Let's say, a guy loses his friends because they're all musicians and they think he got an offer unfairly because of his looks and they think he's some kind of "sell-out" or poser, but maybe our guy has been dealing with depression already and now he's mega depressed).
It's probably easier in average, but... yeah, the world is big and there are a lot of contexts.
I don't like money nor I'm overly interested in it, but it's probably the cheat-code this person is thinking about. People with money can fake their looks (surgeries are crazy these days), can buy popularity, can buy careers, can buy many many things. If you don't care about authenticity and only care about the results or the appearance, money is the answer. Just be an aware narcissist and know your limits. For example, if you buy a position of power in the tech industry, but are not very smart, do not give a complicated conference or you'll show the truth (e.g., Elon Musk and the dozen of times he's been exposed as a pretender, even in games).
Yeah...
Healthcare for Argentina? Milei is destroying public welfare. That's for other oligarchs. $40B in exchange of... Well, Milei is acting unhinged and won't explain, but probably lands, water, lithium. Trump bought something, we just don't know what yet.
And including CDS in the next DSM would help a lot. We need to identify people with the CDS profile as the things that work for them are (slightly) different from ADHD's.
We are not the armchair philosophers of yesteryear.
Ironically, a big problem here is philosophical.
The autism spectrum was formed from reuniting different disorders and proposing a board neurodevelopmental category in which symptoms may vary widely from individual to individual. That was ontology informing nosology. Now we are seeking patterns again within this spectrum and finding a different number of them depending on which criteria we focus on. This is again a matter of abstract categorization, prioritizing some concepts over others, defining entities beforehand: philosophy again.
The latest study that was very popular found four categories considering age in which DSM-5 symptoms appear, and 'cluster' and severity of said symptoms. Those four categories still don't explain the PDA profile or the giftedness comorbidity that seems to actually change the cognitive patterns of classic ASD such as the preference for concrete thinking and the black and white (polarized) thinking, probably because behavioral and cognitive patterns weren't an important axis here.
Horribly said, the preliminary work in nosology is philosophical. I guess in all sciences. We often make our minds about what we are searching for before starting to empirically searching for it; and then the findings channel another series of scrambling concepts, updating hypothesis, etc.
Funnily enough, the philosophical weight only grows when the brain is part of the enigma (entire branches of philosophy dedicated to the "mind", the brain, etc.). Armchair philosophers' work again so that the field work is actually well designed/directed and meaningful in the ways we want it to be.
Let's not reduce the role philosophy has in current times, please.
How about the 1-2% that indeed have a 'biological' disorder? This supported by scientific evidence and characterized not only by being responsive to medication but, most importantly, unresponsive to talk therapy and other therapeutic psychological approaches as per their main symptoms. These would be psychotic, manic, and some severe depressive states (and their manifestations: delusions, catatonia, hypergraphia, etc.).While schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, being the two classic examples, might worsen because of the environment and of course are affected by lack of support among closed ones and other societal difficulties, the research suggests they're highly genetic (BD is the most inheritable disorder today with ADHD, if you count it as a disorder) and biological. Give a stimulant to a euthymic patient and see how fast they get manic for weeks. That's not psychological, that's not a response to social problems. And yes, the genes might be triggered by stress (man-made or not), but the faulty biology gets a life of its own after that. The first psychotic episode might start after the stress of poverty; the rest might happen in a mansion. These are lifelong conditions that we only know how to keep at bay chemically, we don't know how to get the genes or nervous system responses dormant again. The meme's take is useful for the majority, but erases a vulnerable minority whose existence is not only real but needs not to be forgotten (especially after decades or centuries of fighting the "it's demonic possession", "it's a family curse/God's wrath/whatever", " no such thing as madness", etc.).
Yes, I think so with my regular vitamins. Thanks. Take care too.
Autumn and winter tend to trigger some depressive episodes, so... already trying to fix it before I become so fogged by depression that I end up losing my normal self.
Vitamin D is my first step. Second step is going back to medication (prob. lithium as lamotrigine was not great last time). Lithium might be a good idea to prevent the hypomania and mania in spring and summer, and might even help with my mood during the menstrual cycle (PMDD).
I wish I felt euthymic/stable all the time, but I guess I should be thankful that at least I know all the ✨ UK Bipolar Scale™ ✨ moods and, with it, I know things can get better, my outlook can improve, it's just a matter of shift again from this depression to something else. The hard part is to remember or believe it, huh?
Thank you for the post.
I am doing not so bad, not so good, so excuse me if I'm blunt/direct at some point.
First of all, I'm sorry you're feeling all this and I hope things (at least some things) start getting better with time.
Reading your text, I felt seen with some feelings of depression as I'm currently mildly to moderately depressed and already looking to get myself stable again.But other parts reminded me of a person I love whose story also starts with undiagnosed autism and other neurodevelopmental conditions. Like many ND children, they got missed, yet the consequences were pilling.They were bullied and rejected even by adults who thought the autism or the difficulties at school were 'an attitude', so that left an unstable self-esteem that was often depleted and very dependant of external inputs (this is a core feature of clinical narcissism, not grandiosity as we coloquially understand it, so their adult expression became a mix of cluster B personality disorders symptoms). In adolescence, their family's religion started to sound less and less credible, and so started the classic path to atheism/agnosticism and anxiety about death, meaning, etc. grew (present since childhood but partially calmed by religion before). Finally, through all these stages, binge eating was a way to calm the feelings (many times without noticing all of them completely), and that led to obesity and other problems. So the list of diagnoses is big: autism spectrum disorder, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, learning disorder (dyslexia), persistent depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobia (thanatophobia), narcissistic personality disorder with some borderline and hystrionic traits, binge eating disorder, and I'm probably forgetting some. But the story is typical, very typical. ND child is neglected, gets sad with a lot of mental noise (neuroticism or however we want to call it, negative internal monologues, cluster B traits, etc.), and gets terrible coping mechanisms (and this looks different in all of us: substances, overeating, overspending, endless surgeries, sex addiction, frequent lying, etc.). A lot of trauma as a thread guiding this all. It's a spiral that starts early on.Hurt brains sometimes are the more obsessive, perfectionist or hard on themselves. This person needed to work a lot on their self-compassion, well, still is working on it. Healing might take a lifetime, but I see they're doing better with time.
So... you reminded me of them. Many people do, actually, many ND folks. I know the book has its non-scientific moments, but it has a lot of useful information thoughtout the chapters. I really recommend 'The Body Keeps the Score' if you haven't read it. As I said, trauma is not uncommon in our stories.
I don't know if my radar is correct, but in case it is, be patient. Remember that healing our minds, our brains, takes time. Effort gets easier, but at first do as little as you can. Yes, it's enough and it's helpful.
I hope I'm not being... nosy. I hope my comment helps somehow. Hang in there.
No, I like reading and writing here, but I spend a lot of time watching short videos. It's a constant bombardment of interesting facts (mixed with some news, memes, trends...); it's stimulating.
Both the psychiatric medication and the mood fluctuations (in this case, from your depressive episode) can alter sleep and dreams. Also, if you're AFAB, your monthly hormonal cycle can also alter your dreams, especially before menstruation.
He had shitty opinions, we know. I won't follow them. I will have empathy and I will not celebrate his death. Still, I think the world's population improved with one less hateful person around.
Colonization made strange things happen. Once, for example, Spain recruited indigenous warriors from Tlaxcala (Central Mexico, allies of theirs since their battles against the Mexicas/"Aztecs") and went to the Philippines, and there they fought Japanese pirates and samurais, basically.
Accurate info here.
So... I'm not an expert on the brain, but I love to read about mental health, and I've learnt that the brain craves that level of stimulation when things aren't right (outside, inside, or both). It may be an addiction, a cope for depression, hormonal imbalances, etc. Maybe many things at once. But I assure you the solution to boredom, the craves, the feeling of nothing being enough, and more, is not sex (not even relationships, although they might help when you're in your way to recovery).
Seeking a good health (mental and physical) is all we can do to feel good at the individual level, honestly. All other paths (fame, power, sex, drugs...) are really traps, or that has been my experience and the conclusion I also reach from my readings. I know it's not easy, not only emotionally but also on other aspects (money, finding the problems, finding solutions or treatments, etc.), but it's a bet you can place outside the Kurt Cobain option. I really think it's worth the tries (in plural, probably).
Intellectual snob.
Pseudo intellectual. Pseudo polymath. Pseudo erudite...
Epstein files. Demolition of a White House's section.